im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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