I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
