I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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