his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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