I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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