those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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