As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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