My room smells like vodka and shame
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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