We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
