i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't turn off my feet"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
