walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
