My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
