i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
