I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
