he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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