you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
