Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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