Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
