Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
