Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
