She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
