you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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