apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
