I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
