did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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