it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
