Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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