Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
