Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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