Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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