Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
