I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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