You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize