my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have feelings that need drinking.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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