note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
