I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
