we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
