I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
