Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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