So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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