Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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