I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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