I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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