do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
