I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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