38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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