i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
