We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
