Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
