I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
