This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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