I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
