Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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