thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
