and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
