I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
