Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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