What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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