Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
