I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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