well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
