im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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