He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
