I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
