On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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