You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
