Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
