Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this must be what syphilis tastes like
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
