I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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