I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
