you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
